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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29361081">Valentine's Heartbreak</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanasiopao/pseuds/sanasiopao'>sanasiopao</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TWICE (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, fluff??? IDK I STILL DON’T KNOW HOW THIS WORKS, jeongyeon is not, nayeon is an idol</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:22:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,542</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29361081</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanasiopao/pseuds/sanasiopao</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s easy for others to say that Im Nayeon, a famous idol from kpop girl group called TWICE, has achieved so much in life. However, Nayeon begs to differ because her goals include Yoo Jeongyeon, yet she’s nowhere to be found.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Im Nayeon/Yoo Jeongyeon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Valentine's Heartbreak</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>inspired by if you could see me now by the script (but jeongyeon did not d word!!) </p><p>bec it’s valentine’s day and 2yeon day after that,, so this will be my early contribution for 2yeon day!! also because i miss najeong and jeongyeon hasn’t posted their selcas yet ;-; </p><p>p.s. my cc and twitter is @sanasiopao and i’d appreciate if u (pls) mention me when najeong breathes thx</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Jeongyeon ran away from pursuing her career in the entertainment industry, she didn't think it would haunt her for the rest of her life. Escape was never an option in the industry even though she isn't a part of it anymore. She thinks of it as a ghost that would never leave her no matter how hard she prays or how many saints she calls. </p><p> </p><p>It’s not just the industry she’s running away from. She’s running away from everyone she knew when she still wanted to be an idol. Sometimes she manages to run away from it and even hide it in the deepest, darkest part of her brain. </p><p> </p><p>However, the ghost of her past is too insistent, it often escapes out of its prison. And the face of her ghost is all over the country, it’s pretty much inevitable to avoid. Most of the time she asks herself, what does she need to sacrifice in order to avoid her? She should’ve known no sacrifice could make her go away. </p><p> </p><p>When Jeongyeon went home crying with a smashed cake on her hand, telling them she left JYPE while sobbing, her family all rushed to her and gave her a warm hug. Her parents didn't push the topic until she was ready to talk about it. </p><p> </p><p>And when Jeongyeon told them she fell in love with her part-time job and wanted to be a baker instead, they helped Jeongyeon stand on her own feet and start a small pastry cafe in Suwon-si, Gyeonggi province— her hometown. Eventually, her business grew and she was able to pay her parents back. She also has branches all over the country.</p><p> </p><p>Seungyon, her actress sister, often tells her she should’ve just helped Jeongyeon with her bakery. The industry is just too cruel for her. She’s glad Jeongyeon's safe from all the chaos fame has in return.</p><p> </p><p>A group of teenagers screams when the commercial ends, indicating that the show would continue its flow now. They’re currently inside Jeongyeon’s pastry cafe aka the best one in the whole country, watching a variety show as per her cousin Chaeyoung’s request.</p><p> </p><p>Chaeyoung just got into TWICE recently, and she wouldn’t stop talking about them. She’s already filled her room with their merch and albums. And Jeongyeon wants to be supportive of her cousin that she thinks of as a younger sister, so when Chaeyoung asked her if they could watch Twice’s variety show in her cafe, she couldn’t say no.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>She sighs before the mc introduces them. Right there and then, she wishes to be deafened by the teenagers’ screams. Good thing almost all the customers there are all part of a fan base together with Chaeyoung, so nobody complained. Jeongyeon thinks her younger cousin just managed to gather every ONCE in the entirety of Seoul.</p><p> </p><p>“Please welcome Kpop’s representative girl group, TWICE!” Chaeyoung raises her lightstick and screams. Her friends from the same table follow. Jeongyeon shakes her head at the sight of them.</p><p> </p><p>And when the group chants their famous introduction “One in a million! Hello, we are TWICE,” her cafe’s once again filled with noise by teenagers who are losing it over the girls.</p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon watches them carefully. It’s the same girls she used to dance and sing with. The same set of girls that cried in JYPE’s hallways when the pressure and stress of being a trainee got to them. The same set of girls that comforted Jeongyeon when it was her crying in the hallways.</p><p> </p><p>She looks at Jihyo, her best friend. Her <em> ex </em> best friend. It’s still fresh from her memory of how the girl was excited when Jeongyeon joined JYPE and declared she now has a same-aged friend. And it’s also still fresh from her memory when the girl proves herself as a real friend multiple times.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> (“Just don’t get caught,” Jihyo warns them. She looks at her best friend and flashes her a genuine smile. She’s thankful she’s supportive of them.) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>It pains her how they couldn’t maintain that friendship, but it wasn’t Jihyo’s fault. Jeongyeon takes full responsibility for the <em> slight </em>  turn of events with the relationship she had with them.</p><p> </p><p><em>(</em> <em>“It’s just another bad evaluation, babe.” Nayeon squeezes her hand. Jeongyeon doesn’t point out she’s been having bad evaluations for months now.)</em></p><p> </p><p>She feels like cold water was just poured over her head. She looks at the girl. <em> Her </em> girl. At least until she left her clueless during valentine’s day.</p><p> </p><hr/><p><em><br/>Both of them are excited to spend their first valentine’s day together. Although they’re not official </em> yet <em> , the two of them have been acting like they were whenever they spend their time together.  </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It’s valentine’s day, and she didn’t plan much because she’s broke. But Jeongyeon’s confident because Nayeon appreciates efforts more than expensive, materialistic things. She’s baking a cake for Nayeon because it’s the only thing she could do aside from singing and dancing. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Her heart pounds against her ribs like it wants to get out. She wants to ask Nayeon officially that day.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> In her pocket, she has a piece of paper that has the draft of her love letter for the girl. She plans on writing it beautifully while waiting for the cake to bake inside the oven. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> She also plans to sing SNSD’s Complete because it specifically reminds her of Nayeon. She even prepared a minus-one instrumental of that song. And if Nayeon doesn’t protest against it, maybe she’d show off her saxophone skills too. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Cringe. If you told her two years ago she’d do all this for someone she likes, she would look you straight in the eye and smack you. But look at her go now. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> She enters the company building, reeking with Creed Virgin Island Water. When she passes a mirror, she makes sure to cheer herself up. The smile in her face is so wide, you could tell she’s in love and there’s no denying it. She looks at the cake and giggles before putting it inside her locker together with the letter she wrote. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> She goes home crying, reeking of sweat and faintly of Creed Virgin Island Water. When she passes a mirror, she makes sure to remind herself of how pathetic she is. The tears on her face doesn’t stop, you could tell she’s brokenhearted and there’s no denying it. She looks at the cake that got smashed and sobs when she realizes the letter somewhat got lost on her way home. </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p><br/>At night, she could still remember how Nayeon went to their house and begged her parents to tell her about Jeongyeon. She could still remember very vividly how she listened to their conversation as she cried behind the wall the same time as Nayeon. Could still remember the pain very vividly.</p><p> </p><p>It never left after all. She just got used to it by now. But seeing the girl looking happy on the screen, she would do the same thing all over again if that means Nayeon gets to fulfill her dreams, even if she wasn’t a part of it anymore.</p><p> </p><p>The MC asks them one by one how they have been. Behind the counter, Jeongyeon grabs a random magazine and tries to busy herself with it. She opens it midway, not even looking at the cover. When she flips a page, she freezes because of what— or rather who she sees.</p><p> </p><p>She looks at the cover page and couldn't believe it. Out of all her magazine subscriptions, why did she grab Chaeyoung's?</p><p> </p><p>“Excuse me, could you please turn up the volume? It’s my bias’ turn already,” a girl asks her shyly. </p><p> </p><p>“Sure,” Jeongyeon smiles at her. When she looks up at the screen, she sees Nayeon. The same girl in the magazine. The same girl who has been haunting her for years.</p><p> </p><p>“Everybody shush! It’s Nayeon's turn already!” The girl shouts. Jeongyeon wills her muscles to move and turn up the volume.</p><p> </p><p>Before Im Nayeon aka nation’s it girl could speak, Jeongyeon retreats back to her office. She slams the door unintentionally and immediately regrets it. The fans outside probably heard it and were startled. She didn’t mean to ruin their fun.</p><p> </p><p>She looks around her office. It’s a typical office you could see in movies. White walls surround her. In the middle is her desk and computer.  A water dispenser lies on the corner and a few plants make it look lively even though it isn’t. Looking around her, she realizes how different their lives are now.</p><p> </p><p>Im Nayeon belongs to where she is right now. Stage. Fame. Singing. Dancing. She’s born for all of it, and who was Jeongyeon to stop her from that?</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>She closes her eyes tightly. She’ll never let Chaeyoung watch TWICE contents in her cafe again.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Come in,” Jeongyeon says when someone knocks on her door.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh Chaengie,” she stops what she’s doing and gestures for the girl to sit.</p><p> </p><p>“Unnie~” The girl jumps at her and wraps her arms around her neck, almost choking Jeongyeon. “Thank you for lending me your cafe!!”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon removes the girl’s arms. She ruffles the younger girl's hair and laughs when Chaeyoung frowns. Chaeyoung hates it but she couldn’t call out her favorite unnie. Not after what she did for her today. “Did you enjoy it, kid?”</p><p> </p><p>“I did!!” Both of them take a seat. “I’m letting you call me ‘kid’ but just today. If you call me that again tomorrow I will kick your shins.”</p><p> </p><p>The older girl winces at her remark. Chaeyoung might be small, but she won’t hesitate to bring you down with her to the ground. </p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon stops when she sees Chaeyoung’s expression. The younger girl is pouting and her very <em> very </em> powerful puppy eyes. That’s when she knows the younger girl has another favor to ask her.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh no,” she massages her temple. “Oh no. Oh no.” She shakes her head multiple times.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re still pushing that agenda? I already told you I won’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, unnie~” Chaeyoung stomps her feet. “You know how much I love Myoui Mina! And my mom won’t let me go if <em> you </em> won’t go with me.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon frowns at her. “What are you, eight?”</p><p> </p><p>“Apparently my mom thinks so!” She tugs Jeongyeon’s shirt and shows her her puppy eyes. “Please?”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon pulls her shirt from Chaeyoung. “Fine! Fine!” She rolls her eyes. “Just text me the details.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeyy! You’re the best unnie in the entire universe!” Chaeyoung plants a kiss on her cheeks. Jeongyeon jerks away from her and wipes it.</p><p> </p><p>“You sure it’s just Mina alone?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yess~” Chaeyoung answers absentmindedly as she types on her phone. Jeongyeon’s phone vibrates. “Texted you the deets. See you!”</p><p> </p><p>Before Jeongyeon could say another word, Chaeyoung left her office. </p><p> </p><p>It’s just Mina alone. If she wears a hoodie, mask, and a cap, she won’t recognize right? And for sure a lot of people would be there. They’re not trainees anymore, and Mina together with the rest of TWICE are now the most popular girl group in their country.</p><p> </p><p>That’s right. They’re so popular their schedules should be packed. <em> She </em> wouldn’t have the time to be there.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>Nayeon winks at the camera because she’s the ending fairy. When the lights dim slightly and the cameras stop recording, she catches her breath while fanning herself using her hand. A staff member offers her a bottle of water and she accepts it.</p><p> </p><p>Jihyo and other members start asking Onces, their fans, random questions and play with them. Sana suggests that they do a wave and their fans shouts in excitement. Sana leads the wave.</p><p> </p><p>Carefully, she watches as their fans raise their lightstick one by one. Row by row she sweeps every face in the crowd.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Please. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She finishes scanning one row. She squints to see clearly as she sweeps the audience, making sure not to miss anyone. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Please. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Finishes another.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Please. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>And another, and another, and another. But the wave finishes and she doesn’t see the person she’s looking for.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It’s been years and I’m still hoping you’d show up, Jeongyeon. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She sighs and lowers her chin. But she immediately looks up when she feels Jihyo’s laser eyes. The younger girl shakes her head at her. When Jihyo’s about to say something, the staff signals that they have to do the recording again.</p><p> </p><p>They’ve performed in different arenas in different countries around the world. All their concerts are sold out the minute tickets are available. Thousands of fans go to their concert. And although she loves her fans, sometimes she wants to perform for one particular person only.</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes at concerts she would close her eyes and pretend she’s in front of her, pretend it’s just the two of them in the practice room and sing her heart out. But every single time she opens her eyes, the person she wants is not in front of her. Instead, it’s her fans cheering and waving their lightstick for her.</p><p> </p><p>And when they perform an emotional song or whenever their fans’ energy is at the roof, she would look at them and think to herself.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Are you there, Jeongyeon?  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I wish I could share this moment with you. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I miss you. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Where did you go? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>After finishing their stage, they wait for their manager inside the car. She makes sure she gets the nearest seat on the window and even fights with Momo for it. She sticks her head out of the window and waves to their fans.</p><p> </p><p>The sound of cameras and people screaming her name greet her. It took her time, but she’s used to it by now. Their fans throw compliments at them and she smiles in return.</p><p> </p><p>She searches for her face in the crowd, but she still can’t see her. She tries to maintain her smile and look happy for her fans even with her shoulders sagging. Momo appears beside her. She switches seats with her.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Maybe next time.<br/><br/></em>
</p><p>As soon as she enters their dorm, she takes a bath. After that, she opens naver and searches her name. She never gave up looking for her although it has been years. She refreshes the page and immediately clicks on the link when she sees her name.</p><p> </p><p>She can feel her heart beating louder than any speaker she’s heard in their concert venues. The memory of that day, that valentine’s day, is still itching at the back of her mind.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> She plans on asking her out that day. There’s this ad they saw about promise rings, and Jeongyeon wouldn’t stop talking about it. She said if only she had the money, Jeongyeon would buy it for her. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> They’re already adults, and Jeongyeon needed to work a part-time job in a bakery. The pay’s not high, but Jeongyeon takes what she could get. Nayeon always visits her when she has the time. She enjoys watching Jeongyeon bake and talk about how much she loves her current job.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It’s not a secret Jeongyeon’s very hard working, but lately everything in her life wasn’t on her favor. They were supposed to debut as 6mix together with Jihyo, but the members left the company. Jype replaced the members, but their debut was postponed. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> On top of their postponed debut and her having to work part time, Jeongyeon has also been in a slump lately. Nayeon notices how singing and dancing don’t excite her anymore. Instead, Jeongyeon would rant about how stressful everything that involves singing and dancing are. She also noticed how Jeongyeon doesn’t sing her heart out anymore or how she doesn’t dance with energy anymore. It’s like the passion in her has died down. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Nayeon tries to change that. She does everything to remind Jeongyeon of her value and tries to keep the passion in her burning. She’d remind Jeongyeon of how beautiful and talented she is. She’d remind her every single day of their dreams of performing and singing to each other in front of thousands of people.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> And whenever Jeongyeon breaks down, Nayeon stays with her. When it’s Nayeon that couldn’t handle the weight, Jeongyeon’s also there. They never left each other’s side. They’ve convinced themselves they’re soulmates bound by heaven to be together until the end of time. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Nayeon enters the company building with the ring in her pocket. She plans on asking Jeongyeon to go out with her officially that day. She thinks it’s like a proposal because it’s a ring. She also thinks it might as well be because she doesn’t plan on letting her go unless she asks for it, of course. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Aside from the ring, she also plans on taking the younger girl out for dinner after their training. Then maybe watch a movie in the cinema or on her bed while cuddling, whatever the younger girl wants. She doesn’t really mind as long as she’s with Jeongyeon. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> She enters the practice room and waits for Jeongyeon, but she doesn't arrive. She calls her and it says that Jeongyeon’s phone is off. Shrugging it off, she keeps her phone inside her pocket and continues training. Maybe Jeongyeon’s just late. They’d have plenty of time together later anyway. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> But Jeongyeon doesn’t show up.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Not even when the staff told her to go home because it’s late and they’ll close the building already. Not even when she calls her nonstop. Not even when she begs Jeongyeon’s parents and shouts her name in their house knowing full well that Jeongyeon’s there and she could hear her. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> She tries calling her all night, but the line says it’s turned off. She tries calling her until the line says the number doesn’t exist anymore. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> When Nayeon shows up at her house, Jeongyeon’s parents and siblings tell her to respect the girl’s decision. And that confuses Nayeon because what decision? Jeongyeon wouldn’t make any decisions without telling her. They promised each other that. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> She begs her parents to tell her where Jeongyeon is. She even got on her knees as she sobs and cries for the other girl’s name. She knows she’s there. She could feel it. And she also knows she could hear her. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It goes on like that for a few days until the movers and packers tell her the Yoo family is moving to another place. When Nayeon asks them where, they tell her they couldn’t tell her because the youngest Yoo, her Jeongyeon, had asked them not to. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> And after looking for her for so long, she doesn’t show up. Not even after all these years, Jeongyeon doesn’t show up. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Jeongyeon just disappeared out of the blue. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>The naver page loads, but it was not her. It was not her Yoo Jeongyeon. Just someone who has the same name. She sighs in disappointment. </p><p> </p><p>She has all the reasons to hate her, even Jihyo agrees to this. But she just can’t have it in her to hate the person she loves the most. <br/><br/></p><p>
  <em> Please just show up and I won't care if I have to eat bread for the rest of my life. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>There was a time Jeongyeon brought her bread from the bakery every single day until she grew sick of it. Of course she ate every single one of it. She never said it out loud, but deep down she wished Jeongyeon would stop feeding her bread. When Jeongyeon actually stopped, she understood what people meant with ‘be careful what you wish for.’</p><p> </p><p>The page indicates that there are no other results for her name aside from the first one she saw. She throws her phone beside her on the couch and puts her arm over her eyes.<br/><br/></p><p>Jihyo sits beside her. “You were looking for her again in the crowd.”</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t a question, and it wasn’t the first time Nayeon did it. Ever since their first stage, even in their stages during sixteen, she’s always looking for her. This doesn’t surprise anyone now.</p><p> </p><p>She nods her head lazily. Jihyo clicks her tongue and faces Nayeon. “I don’t know why she left without explanation but you know Jeongyeon. She’ll never do that for selfish reasons.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know,” Nayeon says weakly. The silence between them grows. </p><p> </p><p>At the back of her mind, Nayeon wonders what she did wrong. Was it there bickering? But Jeongyeon said she’s more comfortable when they’re bickering.<em> “Just like a married couple,” </em> she could clearly remember Jeongyeon saying that.</p><p> </p><p>Was it something she said? Jeongyeon’s not that sensitive, and she’d tell Nayeon if she offended her at the slightest bit. Besides, Nayeon won’t hurt her verbally. At least not intentionally.</p><p> </p><p>Was it something she did? Nayeon couldn’t think of anything she did that would make Jeongyeon upset.</p><p> </p><p>Was it her? Did Jeongyeon grow tired of her?</p><p> </p><p>Nayeon’s entire body freezes whenever she considers that one. Maybe Jeongyeon did grow tired of her and she was the only one holding on for the both of them.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Cameras flash and lights blind her. They’re surrounded by a bunch of fansites and reporters waiting for Myoui Mina’s appearance on the red carpet for today’s event. Chaeyoung told her Mina’s the new ambassadress for Jimmy Choo, the brand responsible for the event.</p><p> </p><p>She remembers Mina. The Japanese girl has always been famous among trainees, both boys and girls. Jeongyeon has always admired her dancing skills, soft vocals, personality, and also for her goddess-like visuals. She’s glad Mina managed to push through and debut. </p><p> </p><p>Now her younger cousin is so whipped for her she’s even dragged into this event. Jeongyeon lowers her cap. Although there's only a slim chance Mina will see and recognize her, Jeongyeon still doesn't want to risk it. </p><p> </p><p>“People would think I brought a kidnapper with me,” Chaeyoung rolls her eyes at Jeongyeon. She knows she called her the best unnie in the world, but after seeing her outfit, she’s not so sure now. Jeongyeon’s wearing pants, black hoodie, a black face mask, and a baseball cap.</p><p> </p><p>The older girl ignores her. Just a few moments after, Mina appears. Chaeyoung being the biggest fan that she is, she leaves her Jeongyeon unnie and joins the crowd of people in the front.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn't help but think this is the life she would've had if she continued. She tries to imagine herself in the shoes of Myoui Mina who’s being bombarded with questions right now, but she only sees darkness. She just can’t see herself having a life the same as Mina’s. Being an idol really wasn't meant for her. </p><p> </p><p>Being a baker and now a successful business woman was meant for her. She’s more sure of it now as she watches Mina answer each question with the spotlight on her. </p><p> </p><p>Someone grabs her wrist, and for a moment Jeongyeon thinks of shouting for help. But her entire body and mind stop functioning when she recognizes the voice.</p><p> </p><p>“Yoo Jeongyeon?” </p><p> </p><p>Like her, the girl is also wearing a hoodie, face mask, and a cap. She’s probably hiding from their fans to secretly support Mina. But all those facade doesn’t stop her from recognizing the older girl’s voice and physique.</p><p> </p><p>The two of them stare at each other. It has been years, after all. Years of hiding. Years of looking. Years of crying. Years of yearning. Years of not talking to each other.</p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon avoided this moment all. her. life. since she left. She purposely avoided specific streets whenever she hears TWICE are having their schedule there. She avoided going through places she knows Nayeon would go looking for her. She even avoided social media and asked everyone who interviews her about her famous cafe to keep her name hidden.</p><p> </p><p>Now the girl she’s avoiding is right in front of her and she feels like crumbling on her arms right there, right then. She could feel all the fragments of Nayeon inside of her pierce her soul like glass.</p><p> </p><p>And her heart breaks more with what she said. She had to. She just had to break them again if that means Nayeon moving on.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, you got the wrong person.” Jeongyeon removes Nayeon’s grip from her wrist. The two of them look at each other’s eyes, and for a moment Jeongyeon considers dragging her out of there and kissing her all night, just like how her heart wants.</p><p> </p><p>But she can’t be selfish. If she does that, she’s afraid she’d only hurt Nayeon more. She doesn’t want that. She already put the girl in so much pain as it is.</p><p> </p><p>Before any of them could say another word, fansites and reporters recognized Nayeon. Jeongyeon’s pushed by reporters. </p><p> </p><p>For one more time, Nayeon tries to hold the other girl and reaches for her, but the crowd doesn't let her.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Nayeon didn’t remove her eyes from Jeongyeon until she’s out of her sight.</p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon hates herself because all she sees in the girl’s eyes is pain.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>She couldn't stop thinking about her. How she recognized her despite her outfit and crowd. How her name sounded in her voice.</p><p> </p><p>She wants to hear it again. Wants to hear her voice calling her name every time. Wants to wrap her around her arms as she calls her name.</p><p> </p><p>She thought her feelings at least died down a bit, but the moment she saw her all her feelings came rushing again— even stronger than before. It never left. She couldn't.</p><p> </p><p>It’s already 2am and her phone rings. An unregistered caller id shows up on her screen. Usually she doesn't answer calls from strangers, but a voice at the back of her mind tells her to answer it. And so she did.</p><p> </p><p>“Jeongyeon,” she freezes at the familiar voice from the other side of the phone.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t hang up, please. I know it’s you.”</p><p> </p><p>Her thumb hovers over the end button.</p><p> </p><p>“Please. You don’t even have to say anything! Just please don’t hang up?”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon closes her eyes. She could hear the other girl’s breathing get shaky. Then silence, like she’s holding her breath while hoping Jeongyeon won’t hang up. </p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” she lets out the breath she’s holding in as a sign of relief when she realizes Jeongyeon’s still there. </p><p> </p><p>“I’ve been looking for you for a while now.” She could hear the pain from the girl’s fake laugh. </p><p> </p><p>“I got your phone number from your cousin, Chaeyoung. I hope you don’t mind.” The other girl waits for Jeongyeon to say something, then continues when she remains mum.</p><p> </p><p>“Honestly, I almost didn't think it was you. I guess I just know you so much  that no amount of clothing could hide you from me. And the perfume kind of gave you away. I’ve always liked it on you. Only on you tho.” Her perfume triggers memories both of them should give up already. Jeongyeon closes her eyes as she listens to Nayeon speak. She’s always loved listening to her voice, and it’s been a while since she last heard it like this, just the two of them.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s been years.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I know.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“How have you been?”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon puts her phone on her left chest, pretending she’s hugging the girl.</p><p> </p><p>“I missed you.”</p><p> </p><p>Tears fall from her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I missed you so so much.”</p><p> </p><p>She ends the call before the girl could hear her sob.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em> I missed you too, Nayeon. <br/><br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m sorry. </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p><br/>Jeongyeon puts the keys on the bowl near the door. She flops down her sofa and massages her temple. Long day at work today. She visited another place to consider opening another cafe.</p><p> </p><p>She groans when she hears her phone rang. It must’ve been the owner of the place again. They wouldn’t stop bugging and convincing Jeongyeon it’s kind of getting on her nerves now.</p><p> </p><p>“I just ate kimchi buchimgae. Momo cooked for us. I still think your father’s kimchi buchimgae tastes the best though. No offense for the two of us.” The girl greets her, with no proper hello or whatsoever.</p><p> </p><p>Memories flash before her. When they still <em>had mutual understanding of their feelings for each other, </em>they would cook different dishes and fail at every single attempt. Once, they tried cooking kimchi buchimgae without the help of her father.</p><p> </p><p>They refused to let him in the kitchen. At least not until he came running to the kitchen with a small fire extinguisher at hand. Too late though because Jeongyeon had already put out the fire with <em> milk </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Her father thinks they just wasted everything, but for her, time spent with Nayeon is a time well-spent. No matter what stupid thing they do together.</p><p> </p><p>“I hope you’re all tucked in comfortably on your bed, Jeong. ‘Cause I kind of have a lot of things to tell.” Jeongyeon could feel the muscles on her calf aching. That day required so much walking and she hasn’t been exercising lately.</p><p> </p><p>“But before that, is it okay if I call you every night?” Nayeon waits for an answer, but the other girl didn’t speak a word. “Silence means yes, Jeong.” </p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon remains silent. She lays on the couch comfortably.</p><p> </p><p>“I kind of miss when we still bicker like a married couple. Jihyo’s so done with us she told us she’d give us a knife to kill each other, remember?” Her chuckle rings in Jeongyeon’s ear like rediscovering a song you’ve once heavily fixated on only to listen to it again after so long. It makes her heart melt.</p><p> </p><p>It was during dinner. The two of them were arguing whether mint choco should exist or not. Jeongyeon is against its existence. She thinks mint choco is the worst thing humanity has ever brought to the table.</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, Nayeon doesn’t really like mint choco but doesn’t hate it either. She just likes to tease Jeongyeon and see her whine. So she said she likes mint choco.</p><p> </p><p>To heat up their argument more, the older girl ordered mint choco ice cream. Jeongyeon goes on with how mint choco’s the worst flavor. She wouldn’t eat it even if it’s the last food on earth.</p><p><br/>Jihyo got enough with the two of them. She offered two table knives to each other and suggested that they kill each other instead.</p><p><br/>“Anyway, I brought Kookeu for a haircut a while ago. I’d send you some pics, hold on.” </p><p><br/>Her phone rings, indicating that she received a message. The dog’s fur is neatly trimmed and he looks cuter with the red sweater on. She smiles at the picture.<br/><br/></p><p>Kookeu’s all grown up now. When Jeongyeon last saw him, he’s still a baby about the size of Nayeon’s hands. Nayeon had just adopted him back then.</p><p> </p><p>“You should visit him sometimes. I think he misses you.” </p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon could feel her eyes getting heavy. Nayeon continues talking. She tries to keep awake, but her voice sounds like music to her ears lulling her to sleep.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><hr/><p><br/>The night after that, Jeongyeon tried to stay awake a little later than usual, but her call never came.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Maybe she was busy. </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Ouch,” Jeongyeon yelps because she hit the smallest finger of her toe. She should've walked calmly to her room from the kitchen instead of running like Usain Bolt when she hears the familiar ringtone she set for the girl echoes loudly in her house.</p><p> </p><p>She hops her way toward her bed and jumps to get her phone. She doesn't think twice when she answers the call. She still doesn't talk whenever Nayeon calls her, but it seems like the other girl doesn't mind because she keeps on calling her, unless her schedule forbids her so.</p><p> </p><p>Few minutes into the call, Nayeon’s telling her about the time Tzuyu forgot her luggage in their dorm and reasoned out that you only need your passport to travel into another country. Jeongyeon could smell something burning not figuratively but quite literally.</p><p> </p><p>She forgot she was cooking.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“How was your day?” Nayeon asks her. It's been months since Nayeon started calling her every night and it’s always like this. Nayeon asks her how her day has been, and she always remains mum. </p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon looks at the band aid around her finger. She accidentally burned herself while taking out the tray. It wasn’t serious though. She’s been doing her job for years, and she still makes clumsy mistakes.</p><p> </p><p>“I hurt myself—“</p><p> </p><p>“WHAT?!” Jeongyeon could feel the other girl’s voice pierce through her eardrum. She distances herself a bit from the phone. “ARE YOU AT THE HOSPITAL???”</p><p> </p><p>“No,” she says, still away from the phone. “I just burned—“</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“BURNED?”</p><p> </p><p>“—my finger—“</p><p> </p><p>“IS IT STILL THERE”</p><p> </p><p>“—on the tray while trying to take the bread out of the oven—“</p><p> </p><p>“ARE YOU OKAY?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, please don’t shout.” She pinches the bridge of her nose. Five years of being apart from each other and she forgets how loud Nayeon could be. She didn't expect for their first conversation after years to be like this.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” the girl calms down for a moment. “Wait a minute.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon waits. She could faintly hear the conversation on the other line. She could hear her call “Dahyunnie” and the conversation going somewhere between her hearing Nayeon shouting, so she checks up on her.</p><p> </p><p>The other member leaves, and Nayeon talks to her again. “I have a good ointment here from Japan. Mina recommended it to me and I liked it. It’s effective. I’ll give them to you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not—“</p><p> </p><p>“You know what? I’ll just ask Chaeyoung to give them to you.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Thank you,”  she whispers on her phone.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“It’s late.” Nayeon says. Jeongyeon looks at her phone for the time and sees it’s almost one in the morning. “I have to wake up at six tomorrow, but I still want to talk.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“It’s okay. I have to be up early tomorrow, too. We can just call each other again after work.” She suggests. She closes her one eye, not knowing why she's afraid of how the other girl would respond. What if she changes her mind and doesn't want to call anymore?</p><p> </p><p>Nayeon’s response relieved her. “Really?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course,” the irrational thoughts leave her mind. A smile plays on Jeongyeon’s lips. She would be lying if she says she doesn't look forward to the other girl's stories of how her day went. It's become Jeongyeon’s favorite part of the day. </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll call you then! Don’t hurt yourself again before I do, or I will drive an ambulance myself to get you to the hospital.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon tries to hide, but her lips wouldn't stop smiling.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>She closes the phone app and opens it again. For a few seconds, she stares at the girl’s number, by now she has memorized it. Mentally, she slaps herself. Why did she just memorize Im Nayeon’s phone number when she can’t even remember her own??</p><p> </p><p>A thought pops up when she’s about to call her for real. What if she’s busy? She’s an idol now. Unlike when they were trainees, she's so much busier now with music shows, photoshoots, and all. </p><p> </p><p><em> Fuck it. </em>She presses the call button. Her heart beats louder than her phone. One ring and the girl picks up.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello?” Jeongyeon could hear the background noise. She’s probably with her members, she thinks. “Hello, Jeong? Jeong? Hello— AHH!!"</p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon jerks up alarmed by the girl’s scream. She calms down when she hears people laughing in the background.”NOooo, Momo-yah!” She hears the older girl whine.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m gonna kill you, Momo.” The girl on the other line warns with her most threatening tone. The Japanese laughs and says something Jeongyeon couldn’t make out. She could also hear Sana in the background talking. Nayeon tells them to shut up.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” her tone changes into a soft one. “I’ll call you back. Don’t move, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>She nods even though the girl can’t see her. The phone call ends, and Jeongyeon waits patiently for her call. After a few minutes, the girl rings her again.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry for making you wait. I stepped on Boo’s poop,” Nayeon groans.</p><p> </p><p>“Momo’s dog?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s fucking funny.” Jeongyeon says while laughing at the other girl’s misery.</p><p> </p><p>If this was Nayeon from before, she would’ve jumped at Jeongyeon and stuck her feet on Jeongyeon’s face, but no. Instead, she laughs with the other girl. “We’re trying to potty train him but he just doesn't learn.” </p><p> </p><p>The girl flops on her bed and she does the same. Jeongyeon puts her phone on the right side of the bed and lays on her left, pretending she’s with her. They used to talk like that when they were still trainees. When they still live in the same world and the public's eyes weren't on Im Nayeon. When it was only Jeongyeon's eyes looking at her.</p><p> </p><p>“I thought I was bothering you,” Jeongyeon admits.</p><p> </p><p>“What? Jeong, why would you think that?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don't know,” she pulls a thread sticking out from her pajamas.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, you’ll never be a bother to me okay?” She says, cooing her like a baby. “I’m glad you called first tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon stops. </p><p> </p><p>“You can call more often. Actually, you can call whenever you want.”</p><p> </p><p>“But what if you’re busy…?” Her voice trails. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m never too busy for you. I’ll always make time for you.” </p><p> </p><p>“Won’t you get scolded for picking up calls mid schedule?”</p><p> </p><p>“And? Who cares if I get scolded?”</p><p> </p><p>“I do,” she whispers. Silence once agins envelops them. A minute has passed and neither has spoken a word. “Are you still there?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry. Yeah, I’m still here.” She feels relief gush through her. “Jeongyeon,” she whispers, enough to make her lips quiver. “Can you sing for me?”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re the better singer here.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don't have the energy to argue over that.” Nayeon scoffs. She used to always <em> always </em> tell Jeongyeon how much she admires her singing. “Your voice is my favorite, and I haven't heard it in years.”</p><p> </p><p>She hesitates for a moment. It has been years since she last sang in front of someone, and it was a cover of SNSD’s Complete. She only had a crowd of one, and it was the girl she’s talking to right now.</p><p> </p><p>They've always talked about their dreams of becoming an idol, debuting together. They even agreed to try every single foreign food when they go on a world tour. But all of that changed when she forgot how to put her heart on melodies. Now, the road they walk on is not the same, not even the world they live in.</p><p> </p><p>“Please give me this one?”</p><p> </p><p>“What should I sing?” she asks softly.</p><p> </p><p>“Anything,” the girl says in an even softer tone. If Jeongyeon didn't look for her voice very cautiously in crowds, hoping to hear it one more time in person, she wouldn't have heard it.</p><p> </p><p>She picks one of their bsides. <em> Stuck </em> . Jeongyeon would be lying if she didn't search for her too every now and then. She tries her best not to but sometimes the feeling of missing her is so strong she just <em> breaks </em>. And the only thing to soothe her longing was to watch her sing, but only during nights she aches for her so much.</p><p> </p><p>Nayeon inhales sharply when she hears the first line. It's her favorite song to sing for Jeongyeon while longing for her in the crowd. Because she wants to see her. Because her heart remembers all of her. Because she wants to be with her 24/7. And after all these years, after all the pain, she’s stuck with her.</p><p> </p><p>Her voice breaks in the middle of singing. Tears threaten to fall from her eyes and a lump in her throat starts to form. But she doesn't care because it’s Nayeon. She has seen her at her worst, and Nayeon still accepted her— she’s still accepting her.</p><p> </p><p>For a few seconds, silence envelops the two of them. They both pretend they're back at JYPE’s practice room, snuggled on the corner while the rest of the world stops at their feet.</p><p> </p><p>“We could’ve performed together.” She hears the girl sniffle. “You could’ve seen all those fans cheering for us, and we’d hold hands like we used to talk about.” </p><p> </p><p>She remembers all the dreams they shared about being an idol. All the things they said they’d do together when they debut. All the things they couldn’t do since she left.</p><p> </p><p>“And you’d be the amazing performer that you are while I cheer for you.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon closes her eyes and imagines Nayeon’s right beside her. She remembers her so vividly she swears she could touch her if she just keeps her eyes closed. </p><p> </p><p>“I always sing for you on stage even though you can’t hear me.” </p><p> </p><p>She wants to say she heard all of it, but she’d be lying if she did.</p><p> </p><p>“You should’ve been here.” </p><p> </p><p>There’s a pinch on both of their hearts.</p><p> </p><p>“Why did you leave, Jeongyeon?”</p><p> </p><p>“I had to.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon wakes up in the middle of the night. Her phone’s ringing mercilessly on her bedside table. She frowns and thinks who in the right mind would call her so late at night? Then the frown turns into a smile. Nayeon.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s three am here,” Jeongyeon says in a sleepy voice. She closes her eyes and switches to a more comfortable position.</p><p><br/>“Oh my god, Jeong! I’m so sorry. I forgot about the time difference.” The other girl says. Their group is currently on a world tour, and right now they are in Los Angeles. Nayeon didn't have to say because Jeongyeon saw it all over the news and Chaeyoung literally ranted about it all day, saying how proud she is of them.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did I wake you up?”</p><p> </p><p>“You think?” She smiles even though the girl can’t see her.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry.” Nayeon says before chuckling. “There are a lot of good foods here. I thought of you because you love eating.”</p><p> </p><p>“Between the two of us, you have the bigger appetite,” Jeongyeon points out. She remembers how Nayeon could fit an entire buffet in her stomach. And when they were forced into a diet, half of the food Bang Chan snuck in for them goes in her stomach.</p><p> </p><p>“Excuse me?” The older girl pretends to be offended. Jeongyeon smirks even though she could still feel sleepiness getting the best of her.</p><p> </p><p>For a few seconds, silence envelops the two of them. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m glad we’re talking again like this, Jeong.” Nayeon says and the words she wants to say but couldn't trail after her silence. She inhales deeply. “You should go back to sleep.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait,” Jeongyeon stops her abruptly before ending the call. “When are you coming back?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hold on, let me check.” Her schedule’s probably packed; she can't even remember the date of her return. “On 12th. Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing,” she whispers. A few days after she comes back, it’ll be the sixth year since she left her.</p><p> </p><p>“Get some rest for me?” Jeongyeon knows how hardworking Nayeon is, even when they were still trainees. Nayeon would literally not stop working until she faints. Someone (aka Jeongyeon) always had to remind her to take care of herself too because she often forgets to.</p><p> </p><p>Lately, their calls have been every other night and Jeongyeon guesses it’s because of her busy schedule. She worries about Nayeon’s health because her body could only take so much.</p><p> </p><p>“Anything for you. Good night, Jeong.” </p><p> </p><p>“Good night, Nayeon.”<br/><br/></p><hr/><p> </p><p>It was just supposed to be another ordinary day. They just got back from LA, and they're supposed to get some rest. Nayeon wakes up from what could've been the longest sleep she's had in months. She massages her numb face and looks at the mirror. Her whole face is puffy. </p><p> </p><p>She checks her phone, it’s already 13th and they came back yesterday. She couldn't remember much because she basically passed out after taking a bath. Today was supposed to be all about movies and sleeping until Sana comes in her room knocking, telling her she has been eyeing this pastry cafe but never got to visit because of their busy schedule. Suddenly Nayeon wants some croffle. Momo got her some when she visited while filming for her melody project. </p><p> </p><p>“Think of it as a valentine’s date. I’ve never seen you go out with someone for valentine’s. You’re always locked up in your room, sulking.” Sana points out when she goes out of the living room all dressed up.</p><p> </p><p>For the past five (or six tomorrow) years since Jeongyeon left her that day, she never went out during valentine's day. All the heart decorations and flowers and couples walking around hand in hand just remind her of Jeongyeon. So instead of going out even with her friends, she prefers to stay home.</p><p> </p><p>It doesn't help much, really. Going out or not, Nayeon's always gonna think about her. It's the day she left without any explanation after all.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon sighs as she sticks another heart on the glass window. She’s careful not to lose her balance because she’s currently standing on a ladder. Chaeyoung giggles beside her while looking up to her. She’s helping her Jeongyeon unnie decorate her shop.</p><p> </p><p>Customers enter. Jeongyeon makes sure to greet them. Some are confused with the last minute decorations they're doing. Jeongyeon didn't want to do it at first, but Chaeyoung insisted. She points out that they celebrate valentine’s day without decors every year when they're supposed to make the customers feel loved during hearts day. She also reminds Jeongyeon of her promise last year.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “You promised we’ll have decorations this year!” She says with a pout. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>It isn't Jeongyeon-like to break a promise, so she gives in. Usually, she spends valentine’s day overworking. There are a lot of couples visiting them during that day and she makes sure to make the most out of it. She even closes later than usual.</p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon convinces herself it's for extra profit. When she gets back home and it’s only her bed that accompanies her, the real reason hits her every damn time. She overworks herself to avoid thinking of that day.</p><p> </p><p>Even Chaeyoung’s curious why she's still single. <em> ‘You’re not even ugly. You were even a trainee!’ </em> And everytime she says that, Jeongyeon winces because she didn't tell Chaeyoung she was a trainee in JYPE, the same company as TWICE. She doesn't ask anyway, so Jeongyeon doesn't see the point of bringing that up. The statement also stings like alcohol to a wound because it’s exactly the reason why she’s single. She <em> was </em>a trainee.</p><p> </p><p>Her younger cousin gives her another customized heart design. The familiar bell on her cafe’s doors rings. Jeongyeon sticks the heart and greets.</p><p> </p><p>“Welcome to—“Jeongyeon falls on her butt. She physically feels her spine vibrate on the impact. </p><p>
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</p><p>The reason why Jeongyeon doesn’t decorate her cafe is standing at the entrance. Nayeon’s mouth falls open. They look at each other's eyes for three, long seconds. Enough to ease their yearning but not the five year pain crawling, itching in their hearts. </p><p> </p><p>When they both realize what’s happening, their first instinct’s to run. Jeongyeon gets up, almost tripping and runs to her office for safety. Nayeon leaves Sana alone in the cafe, letting her feet take her anywhere but there.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon bites the soft skin around her thumb. Her cafe closed unusually early that day. When she got out of her office, she thought Sana saved her from Chaeyoung's hot seat. But when the idol left, Chaeyoung didn't even look at her. She remained quiet until they drove home. She didn't even ask why Jeongyeon decided to go home early.</p><p> </p><p>Three rings from her phone and the other girl picks up. A second of silence, and then the both of them shouts “Let me explain!”<br/><br/></p><p>“Okay, you first. Or me. Or you. Do you wanna go first?” Nayeon blabbers.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry. It’s just— I was just— I didn't know what I was thinking. It was a bit overwhelming, and it's not like we've completely fixed-“ she gestures wildly, not like the other girl could see her though “-whatever the fuck we have right now.”</p><p> </p><p>She’s confused. She wanted so long to ask Nayeon why she keeps on talking to her when it’s Jeongyeon that owes her an explanation. The older girl never gave up on her even during the nights she struggled to find the words to tell her. After all these years, she still holds on even if Jeongyeon disappeared and pushed her.</p><p> </p><p>It's like the more she pushes, the more Nayeon draws closer. And no matter how many times she takes a step away from her, Nayeon never turns to the other direction.</p><p> </p><p>“I was scared if you saw me again, you’d run away because you’re not ready to face me. I was scared you’d hide from me again for years. I didn’t want to rush you, so I never asked to meet up.” Nayeon sighs, then continues. “I tried to hide myself, hoping you didn’t see me, so I ran. When I realized you already did, I had three missed calls from Sana and a picture of her and Chaeyoung.”</p><p> </p><p>Words fail to come out. She doesn't want to add more to their remorse, and she doesn't want for her to experience any of it anymore.</p><p> </p><p>“Chaeyoung didn't ask you, did she? I told her not to. Said I’ll explain when we figured out our next move.” Nayeon sighs. “Sana didn't ask me either. She's sensitive like that.”</p><p> </p><p>Sana has always been sensitive to other people's feelings. It doesn't take her a second to realize whenever something is up. She’s careful not to cross over the line and make sure that she stays in her place.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s valentine’s day in a minute. It’ll be six years since you left.” </p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon looks at the clock, and everything kind of just came rushing to her. She wants to take it off the wall and rewind it back to those years the two of them had a good start, but time doesn't work like that. And it wouldn't change the situation back then. </p><p> </p><p>She'd have to choose the same answer, especially now that she has seen Nayeon fulfill her dreams. No matter how many times she goes back to that time, she would still leave. It’s how it's supposed to be.</p><p> </p><p>“I still don’t know why you left. It hurt me. It still does. But if you say you still feel the same then I’d run back to your arms.”</p><p> </p><p>Her chest feels heavy, and her vision starts to blurry.</p><p> </p><p>“Please say you still feel the same,” Nayeon says. “Please.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t explain it to you over the phone.” Jeongyeon says weakly. “We still talked that afternoon, so technically it won’t be the sixth year if we meet right now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you asking me to come over?”</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s fix this, Nayeon.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Nice flat,” Nayeon looks around with one hand in her pocket. Jeongyeon face palms. She didn’t imagine the first words Nayeon would tell her when they agreed to fix things were ‘nice flat.’</p><p> </p><p>Plants surround her apartment because aside from its aesthetics, it keeps her busy. They're a good way to relieve stress and take your mind off of something… or someone like Im Nayeon, the very same girl beside her right now.</p><p> </p><p>It’s not small but not too big either. Jeongyeon didn't want to live in a huge house only to feel alone at the end of the day. Legos fill the empty spaces on her bookshelf. It's a good way to pass time, too. The corner of Nayeon's lips curve into a small smile.</p><p> </p><p>Clearly, she didn't think this all through. Her silk pajamas is thin against her skin. Her clothing fails to protect her from the cold, so she hugs herself. Her mind was so fed up she didn't even think of changing her clothes. The other girl mirrors her action. She, too, is only wearing her pjs.</p><p> </p><p>The two of them sit on Jeongyeon’s couch. She hasn't said anything since Nayeon arrived. All the words she thought of and rehearsed quickly before the girl arrives fly away from her consciousness. </p><p> </p><p>“I think you owe me an explanation, Jeong.” Nayeon starts the conversation. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Jeongyeon says quietly, “I mean, yes. Yes, I do” She tracks back six years ago. Her chest contracts as all the memories of that day come rushing. “But before that, promise me you'll let me finish without interrupting?”</p><p> </p><p>Nayeon has always been the overreacting type. She would make a big deal out of every sentence that comes out of her mouth. If she lets Nayeon react in the middle of explaining, it would take them another six years to finish the conversation. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” the girl doesn't argue with her.</p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon nods and tries to find the beginning of the thread. She bounces her knee while tapping her fingers on it. Nayeon notices her actions. She places her hand on top of Jeongyeon's hand and knee. Her thumb strokes the other girl's, telling her it’s okay. Jeongyeon flashes her a small smile, then holds her hand tightly. </p><p> </p><p>“I was supposed to ask you officially that day,” she begins. Nayeon’s lips start to quiver and tears threaten to fall from her eyes. Jeongyeon’s expressions soften while looking at the other girl. The older girl bites back a whimper and nods, telling her to go on.</p><p> </p><p>“I even baked a cake for you. Pathetic. I know. But it's the only thing I could give— aside from my heart of course.” Looking back, Jeongyeon wants to slap herself because Nayeon deserves more than just a freaking cake anyone could bake anytime. </p><p> </p><p>“When I got to the company, they called me into the office. And that's when I chose to let you go.” She bites the inside of her cheeks before proceeding. “They found out about us, Nayeon. They found out about us before we were even a thing. And when I told them we're not even in a relationship, they threatened to kick us out from the company.</p><p> </p><p>Nayeon opens her mouth to say something, but Jeongyeon looks at her, begging her to let her finish first. Jeongyeon has to let it all out in one breathing, otherwise she won't be able to finish without weeping. So the other girl closes her mouth and lets her.</p><p> </p><p>“They made me choose. It’s either we stop whatever was going on between us or they'd kick us out. I can’t handle the thought of seeing you but not being able to talk to you. I also won’t be able to handle it if I’d be the one to hold you back from your dreams.” Jeongyeon lets out a fake laugh for reasons she can't quite comprehend.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, you were born to be a star, and I won't be able to forgive myself if I took that away from you. So I told them I’d stop talking to you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why did you leave?” Nayeon asks in a shaky breath. A question she has been waiting to be answered for years. “Why did you leave the company?”</p><p> </p><p>“Like I said, I can’t handle the thought of seeing you but not being able to talk to you.”</p><p> </p><p>“But you were born to be on stage, too!” Nayeon says, her voice raises a little. The agreement they made before the conversation starts, breaks. Nayeon can’t just stay quiet. “I can't be the person who holds you back from your dreams, too.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon shakes her head. “This,” she gestures around her apartment, “This is the life I’m meant to have. I realized after everything, I wasn't meant to be an idol.”</p><p> </p><p>Her cafe is one of the biggest in the country right now. Although it wasn't her original dream, it’s what makes her fulfilled. If she's to choose between idol life and the life she has right now, she'd still choose this path.</p><p> </p><p>Besides, she lost her passion and interest in music even when they were still trainees. Jeongyeon can't go on doing the things she doesn't love anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Nayeon closes her eyes tightly because of what Jeongyeon said next. “I asked the company to hide it from you because I know you’ll leave when you hear it. You were supposed to be on Sixteen, and I knew you would win that survival show along with Jihyo. Now you're one of the most successful idols out there.”</p><p> </p><p>“You could've left the company, but still be with me.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon shakes head. “If they find out we’re still together even if I wasn't in the company, they'd kick you out. And even if, let's say, they won't throw you out, you’d still have your dating ban.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do they really think they could stop us from loving someone? Do they think they’re <em> god </em> or something?” Still dismayed, Nayeon shrugs her shoulders. “I should sue!”</p><p> </p><p>For sure, the media would make a big deal out of it. That's how it is, after all. General public thinks they're entitled to know every single thing about idols, even their private lives. Nayeon loves her job, and she can't see herself in another career. But sometimes there are things that make you question your love for something.</p><p> </p><p>“And what would you file? Besides, you’d just be in a scandal if you do that. It’s not worth it.” Jeongyeon doesn't see the point of doing that. The milk has been spilled already and the damage has been done. It would only cause unnecessary vexations for the two of them.<br/><br/></p><p>“Not worth it?” She scoffs. “Jeong, by this time you should know I’m willing to go overboard for you. You’re worth fighting for, okay?” </p><p> </p><p>Nayeon holds both Jeongyeon’s hands. She looks at the younger girl’s eyes with the softest expression. “But I won’t go through all that if you don’t want to. I’m scared it would be too much for you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” Jeongyeon holds her hand tighter. “But I don't understand why you’d still pick me.” She says in a soft voice. What she did to Nayeon was unjust, she thinks. Leaving and running away from her for years without explanation is enough reason to stop chasing after her. The older girl even made the first move to reconnect what's been cut short long ago. </p><p> </p><p>“If it was another person, I’d stop chasing after them. But it’s you Jeongyeon. I know you wouldn't leave without concrete reasons.” Nayeon looks at Jeongyeon, trying to suck out all the doubts in her eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“It's easy for other people to say I’ve achieved so much in life, but I think otherwise. Because my goal includes you, yet you were nowhere to be found.” Nayeon holds both Jeongyeon’s hands. She rests her elbows on her knees and inhales the girl's scent. Suddenly she feels like they're in her room again when they were still teenagers madly in love with each other.</p><p> </p><p>They're not teenagers anymore. More importantly, they don't live in the same world now. Nayeon lives under the spotlight, and Jeongyeon lives outside it. They both have responsibilities, and they can't just make rash decisions. The only thing that remains is their feelings for each other.</p><p> </p><p>But it's not a rash decision, both of them think. It's just a continuation of something discontinued six years ago. Nayeon takes out a box outside her pocket. Its pink packaging is a bit faded due to time, and there are minor dents alongside it.The recognition of what's inside the box hits Jeongyeon like a knee-jerk reaction. “I was supposed to ask you out officially that day, too.”</p><p> </p><p>“No way,” Jeongyeon gasps before pulling out an identical box. Like the one on Nayeon’s hand, its color is also faded and has minor dents. “We’re soulmates for a reason.”</p><p> </p><p>Exactly a year after Jeongyeon left, she bought the promise ring. At first she managed to convince herself that it's a gift for all her hard work. But deep down, she hopes to give it to Nayeon when everything falls right into place. She didn't think it would actually happen.</p><p> </p><p>Nayeon shows her bunny smile, and it melts something inside Jeongyeon. It has been a while since she last saw it in person. It has been a while since she was the reason behind that smile. She curves her lips into a smile, too.</p><p> </p><p>“Do I still need to ask the question?” Nayeon frowns. </p><p> </p><p>“Well—“</p><p> </p><p>“I missed my chance a few years ago! It’s your turn now.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon rolls her eyes at the other girl. If only she didn’t love her, really. A while ago they were just crying, now Nayeon's already pulling her strings like she used to years ago. It’s not like Nayeon’s the only one who missed her chance a few years ago. She, too, was supposed to ask her. </p><p> </p><p>But she owes it to the girl. After all the running away, it's time to step out of the alley she has been paving just to hide from her. She inhales deeply and lets out the question that was due years ago. “Im Nayeon, will you be my girlfriend?”</p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t need to ask.”</p><p> </p><p>“But you said—“ Nayeon leans in for a kiss. The curves of her lips feel familiar and taste sweet. It feels like they're transported back to the time when they'd kiss in Nayeon's room, but this time with nothing holding them back.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn't like their first kiss where Jeongyeon leaned in for a quick one because Nayeon dared her. It's more like their second one, where Nayeon pulls her again, letting out all their contained emotions. Letting each other's love bleed through their lips.</p><p> </p><p>Jeongyeon could feel herself melting on Nayeon's arms, and the other girl catches her in an embrace. She cups Nayeon's face and pulls her closer, wanting to breathe in all of her. They kiss like sucking in each other's elixir to heal both their hearts and perhaps add another six years to their lifespan in order to make up for the time they weren't with each other.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, wait,” Nayeon pulls away from the kiss. She leans her forehead on Jeongyeon's while catching her breath. When Jeongyeon lets out a groan, Nayeon leans in again for a peck. “We still haven't put on the ring.”</p><p> </p><p>“Seriously?” Jeongyeon watches Nayeon put the ring on her left ring finger. Then, the girl points on the other ring using her mouth. She puts up her left hand and wiggles her fingers, telling Jeongyeon to put it on her. </p><p> </p><p>“It's like we're getting engaged already,” Jeongyeon says as she puts it on her left ring finger, too. The ring wraps her finger like it's made for it, and Jeongyeon feels proud of herself because she knew it would fit her perfectly. Just like how she imagined all these years.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, do you want to be engaged already? I’m down with whatever you say, Jeong. Should we get married right now?” Nayeon wiggles her eyebrows before letting out a loud laugh. Cringe as it may sound, it rings in her ears like music. A few moments after, she finds herself laughing, too.</p><p> </p><p>At that moment they didn't care about the world. In Nayeon's mind there is only Jeongyeon, and in Jeongyeon's, there is only Nayeon’s. </p><p> </p><p>It was valentine’s day when they had their first heartbreak. Six years later, it’s also valentine's day when they found each other. Leaving behind their valentine’s heartbreak, they hold each other tighter this time. And no matter how harsh life will get, the both of them swear they will push through. </p><p> </p><p>They will manage to push through.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>shameless plug i’m writing a multichapter saida fic rn too but i’d be slow to update that one bec my laptop broke and it’s sooooo hard to write on my phone(i hate it) sometimes i borrow my sister’s ipad but she uses it for school so i mostly use my phone.. </p><p>anyway,, happy valentine’s and happy 2yeon day!!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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